swept off my feet

with memories..

an ex sms-ed me two weeks or so ago. He was going overseas for an assignment, and he thought he's just give me a beep. When we broke up, it wasn't in good terms, i guess, you can say. I was pretty brokenhearted (when am i not? haha) and i wrote to him a seriously long letter.

That was 10 yrs ago.

when i got his sms at (no earlier than) 5.30 (frigging)a.m., apologizing for everything he had done to hurt me.. i don't know. it just made me think.. (but it was awfully sweet of him, anyways)

When is it that we finally realize it's time to move on and forgive the person(s) that hurt you the most? When will it be when we take that burden, dig a damn deep hole, throw it in, and cover it?

When do i say 'i forgive you'?

When do we actually move on from the hurt we felt, and the hurt we've caused others?

For me, i guess it'll be difficult to forgive others. Especially with the ones we held so dear. Maybe time can/will decide when is the right moment.

For my ex, i forgave him after a couple of months. And he changed me in such a way.. i.. cannot seem to imagine. Each hurdle i take, each time i fall, each question i ask myself, each doubt; i learn. i become a better person/friend/lover/daughter. Without them, i am nothing. i wouldn't be the person i am today without the lessons i've learnt with each person that i've hurt/been hurt by.

i keep wondering why, through everything, when will be the time when i will move on from you.

At this company, i can say, i found a good friend. Someone that understands me. Someone that cares.

And to have that feeling of belonging, is, seriously... making me speechless.

This girl, haha, i shall not name her (for fear of ppl bitching, or my ex pointing out that the world is frigging small) has brought me such simple happiness of having a good friend that i can finally trust. After everything.

That meant a lot. It still does.

:)

After all this, i thank you, for teaching me things i could've never learnt. i thank you for the friendship that was. More importantly, i thank you for making me realize my mistakes, my faults and my shortcomings.

Thank you.