floating or sinking?

am i barely floating?
or am i already sinking, but haven't realized yet?

Three years, one month and 6 days later.

i feel so jaded. numb. you know how that feels like?

everything used to be covered with chocolate and icing.
everybody used to be so damn nice.
everyone was a good colleague.
every sight used to be memorable.
every cloud had its silver lining.
and every damn rainbow ended with a pot of gold. somehow.

it's been so long since i've actually felt. anything.

After so many eleven eleven's, double one double one's, one one one one's and four one's...
i feel tired of the whole 'drama mama' thing.

i wanna rest. i wanna breathe. i wanna chillax.
i wanna quit this country, quit this job, quit my family, quit my life
and move out.

sounds a bit over-positive, don't you think?

but that's what i wanna be right now.
i want to be clear headed, positive, taking on challenges. i want to be myself.

i want to be myself again.

this thorn will be here for a long time, you ready to pull it out?

you don't want to break my heart again. i know.
i don't want my heart broken at all.

i just want peace. that's all.