this one is for you

you know, when i write about you sometimes.. nobody knows it's dedicated to the one i love. Sometimes they get confused as i never name names here (ok fine, no one really knows). it's just unfair to defame someone or to complain or to bitch on my blog. i get angry; occassionaly, upset; often, sad; every other day.. but i hv never mentioned names.

i prefer this type of anonymity.

at least no one gets hurt. directly.

This is just another one of those posts. Where i'm directing to you, again, my dear friend.

i'm getting really weary of all your promises.

*you promised one thing, yet you fail to fulfill it.
*then you promise another thing to cover yourself on the first failed promise, and end up disappointing everybody
*you said one thing, but what actually happened was the opposite.
*you backstabbed him, but when i spoke to the said person, it never happened!
*you did this to yourself; he did not do this to you.
*don't you realize when the sun sets, that you're at the losing end?
*have you ever thought of changing? Of being true to yourself?
*of being honest just one bit.

one bit. that's all.

i wished you could've told me yourself, could you not? of course no harm was caused. of course it wasn't meant to hurt me. or anyone else for that matter. of course nothing much happened at all as a consequence of your actions.

but still...

you don't have to lie to me. just to keep up with your image. my image. i'm the last person you have to pretend to, dear.

i'm not calling you pretentious, because it's not you.

after all this, i love you still. more than i ever should, considering the factors involved. yet i am still here.

if you should ever need a hand, i'm yours to hold.
if you should ever need a shoulder to cry on, i'm yours too.
if you should ever need someone to talk to, i'm there in a heartbeat.
if you need someone to laugh with, i will squel with happiness.
if you need someone to laugh at, i'll laugh at myself along with you.

have i not proved myself over the years how much i love you? sigh.

i'm not angry, never angry at you.

i won't do anything drastic. it's not worth throwing this away over issues like that.
But i sure hope something good comes out of this.

*crossing fingers*