floating or sinking?

am i barely floating?
or am i already sinking, but haven't realized yet?

Three years, one month and 6 days later.

i feel so jaded. numb. you know how that feels like?

everything used to be covered with chocolate and icing.
everybody used to be so damn nice.
everyone was a good colleague.
every sight used to be memorable.
every cloud had its silver lining.
and every damn rainbow ended with a pot of gold. somehow.

it's been so long since i've actually felt. anything.

After so many eleven eleven's, double one double one's, one one one one's and four one's...
i feel tired of the whole 'drama mama' thing.

i wanna rest. i wanna breathe. i wanna chillax.
i wanna quit this country, quit this job, quit my family, quit my life
and move out.

sounds a bit over-positive, don't you think?

but that's what i wanna be right now.
i want to be clear headed, positive, taking on challenges. i want to be myself.

i want to be myself again.

this thorn will be here for a long time, you ready to pull it out?

you don't want to break my heart again. i know.
i don't want my heart broken at all.

i just want peace. that's all.

a flower is forever

Some say love it is a river that drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razer that leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love it is a hunger an endless aching need
I say love it is a flower
and you're it's only seed

It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance

It's the one who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give
and the soul afraid of dying
that never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been too long
and you think that love
is only for the lucky and the strong

Just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed that with the sun's love
in the spring becomes
the rose.