LovabLe Neurotic

this space is my own... the world through my eyes

Thursday, March 29, 2007

*all smiles*

i definitely have to go to church this weekend. definitely.

my ENTIRE family was having one of our down-est-ish times ever, and it's with God's blessing that we're pulling through this. together.


so damn frigging happy i can just jump off my 19th floor. lol.



you're lazy. you're piggish. you're so darn stubborn. you're the king of all procrastinators. you're messy. you're smelly. you're cute (which means you're ugly).

yea. watever.

love you.

you're also mean. you're over-sensitive. you're difficult.

yea yea yea.

love you too.


Tuesday, March 20, 2007

i lift it up to You

i'm going to hsbc! *insert grin here*

After 8 hours of gruelling interviews, presentations, role plays, group discussions and more interviews.... i got in.

the past two days have been the happiest that i have ever been these past 2 months, no, wait...

the best i've been the past year and a half.

this is the part where i'm supposed to say i'll do my best, prove to myself and everybody else...
screw that.

i'm gonna have fun.
loads. of. fun.
TWENTY whole months of fun, TWO months in UK, and countless more fulfilling experiences.

to God, i offer this up to him. for all the moments when i've been too down to lift my head up. for all the tears that poured down my chubby cheeks. for all the heartbreaks. for all the pain i've gone through. for being backstabbed by a vicious bitch of a colleague.

i would never have gotten so far, had i not had enough faith.
in Him.
in me.
during those interviews, honestly, i had not a single ounce of faith in me.
it was Him that gave me that strength, that endurance, that faith, to make it through.

thank You, Jesus. thank You.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

So, steal the show, and do your best
To cover the tracks that I have left
I wish you well and hope you find
Whatever you're looking for
The way I might've changed my mind
But you only showed me the door

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
And we can hang out heads down
As we skip the goodbyes
And you can tell the world what you want them to hear
I've got nothing left to lose, my dear
So, I'm up for the little white lies

But you and I know the reason why

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back
And say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies

But you and I, you and I know the reason why

exerpt from Reason why, by Rachael Yamagata

Saturday, March 17, 2007

When I think of home
I think of a resting place
A place where there's peace, quiet, and serenity
And thats where some of my friends have gone
Friends who have traveled with me through my wonderful experience in Oz

A journey I'll never forget
When I think of home, I think of a place
Wheres theres love overflowing
I wish I was home, I wish I was back there
With the things I've been knowing

Wind that makes the tall grass bend into leaning
Suddenly the raindrops that fall they have a meaning
Sprinklin the scene
Makes it all clean

(When I think of home)
Maybe theres a chance for me to go back
Now that I have some direction
(Maybe theres a chance I'll get home)
It sure would be nice to be back at home
Where there's love and affection

And just maybe I can convince time to slow up
Givin me enough time, in my life to grow up
Time be my friend
And let me start again

Suddenly my worlds gone and change its fate
And I still know where I'm going
I have had my mind spun round in space
And watched it growing

And, if you're listening, God, please dont make it hard
To know if we should believe the things that we see
Tell us should we try and stay or should we run away
Or will it be better just to let things, let them be
Livin here in this brand new world
Might be a fantasy
But its taught me to love
And its real, its so real, its real to me
And Ive learned that we must look
Inside our hearts to find
A world full of love

Like yours, like mine

Home, by Stephanie Mills

i lost it. i can't find it.

have you ever experienced a time in your life where you had nothing more than your heart to offer, and by giving your heart could possibly risk losing yourself in it; yet you knew, positively, that you would give your heart all over again to that single person and risk it all?

have you ever experienced a heartbreak so bad just so you could hold a person for a minute, an hour, a day, a week or two; just so you knew how it felt?

have you ever experienced in your lifetime, a split second of hope which almost seemed so surreal you thought you had found your perfect rapture; yet have it robbed of you selfishly right when you actually believed it, so that another may have it easy?

have you ever experienced moments of pure despair and loss that transpired so deep in your soul, yet you'd lift your head up to God and tell Him, honestly, that you have never regretted a single decision?

have you ever experienced hatred at your loved ones for deluding your senses with warm words of comfort and love; when deep down inside they don't feel the same for you, yet, you're unsure of whether you'd rather hear the lies or grapple with the harsh truth?

have you ever experienced pure loneliness?

have you ever experienced pure grief?

have you ever experienced alienation?

have you ever experienced... love?


when it comes down to crunch time, will you make the right decision or take the easy way out?

i've heard enough bullshit in my life, to know the truth.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

i got taggggggged

By Mr. Sunil. Here's what i'm suppose to do. I'm supposed to list 6 weird facts about myself, then tag another 6 people to do the same.

Weird facts:

i pick at my whiteheads/blackheads when i'm bored
yea it's a little disgusting, but it's true. i love it so much when i see an evil comedone pop out. makes me feel cleaner :D

i hate wearing necklaces and turtlenecks
makes me feel constricted... like i can't bloody breathe. i keep scratching at it, tugging at it, until i irritate other ppl. So, yea.

i love my long nails
i normally keep it until it's banshee-ish. Like, super long, unmanicured, ugly nails. Don't ask me why :D i know i disgust the hell out of Matt when i steal his food with my fingers. THe only reason why he hasn't stopped me till today is because he loves me. Right? LoL

i love harry potter
i really do. i read the books at least 10 times each. i watched the movies at least 5 times each. i criticise the way the director did it, or how they don't seem real and bla bla bla, until i piss people off.

i get hurt easily
super emotional. super tear jerker. Moreover when someone i love betrays me. or breaks my heart. it takes a little to piss me off, but i get over it pretty quickly. however, it takes a lot to disappoint me. Once i am disappointed, it takes yrs to regain that trust that you lost.

i'm slightly OCD'd
i try not to step on the lines of tiles, like.. i'll HAVE to step on the center, where there are no lines. When i wash my hands i take 10 minutes, whilst continually counting 1 to 10 over and over and over again.

There! i don't like tagging other people... but Leanne Khor is an exception. SO you're it! :D


i've been absent for a month now, i know.

i've been through a lot, somehow, so much so till my heart and mind cannot take it.

i'm so heartbroken, i'm going to do two tattoos in one go to signify this trying time.

i cannot say what, for fear of being ridiculed; for being stupid, for trusting so much, for listening too much, for not looking after my ass, for loving too much, for caring till i wished i hadn't, for accepting when i should've rejected, for not making it casual.

i've lived a life full of ups and downs, of greys and off-whites. but never in my life, have i gone through the heart ache that i am going through now.

so bear with me, till i regain my composure. till i can lift my head up and say 'i never regret everything i did'.

so, yeah.. :D

Monday, March 12, 2007

something for you.

How did you steal my heart from me
I thought it was safe, that I'd hidden the key
But you crept in and shattered all my dreams
How did you steal my heart from me

Why do your words still ring in my ears
Somehow your name is now all that I hear
How come my future is suddenly unclear
How could you steal my heart from me

Now the nights have grown colder
It feels that my life's not my own
How can I tell him it's over
How could you break this happy home

You crept in and shattered all my dreams
I don't know what a love is meant to be
Yeah you crept in and shattered all my dreams
How could you steal my heart from me?

Stolen, by Lucie Silvas


Look at this stuff
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has everything?

Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Looking around here you think
Sure, she's got everything

I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs? I've got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more...

I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see, wanna see them dancin'
Walking around on those - what do you call 'em?
Oh - feet!
Flippin' your fins, you don't get too far
Legs are required for jumping, dancing
Strolling along down a - what's that word again? Street

Up where they walk, up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free - wish I could be
Part of that world

What would I give if I could live out of these waters?
What would I pay to spend a day warm on the sand?
Bet'cha on land they understand
That they don't reprimand their daughters
Bright young women sick of swimmin'
Ready to stand

I'm ready to know what the people know
Ask 'em my questions and get some answers
What's a fire and why does it - what's the word? Burn?
When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love, love to explore that shore up above?
Out of the sea
Wish I could be;
Part of your world

Part of that world - Little Mermaid


When i feel lost for words,
when my heart gets overburdened,
When i start to feel like i'm losing control,
of even my own life..
i turn to music.

As corny as this may sound,
As awkward as it may make you feel,
As painful as it scratches the wall of my heart,
this is me.

the words that i long to tell,
the eyes filled with tears that's longing to dry,
the fingers that refuses to type,
the voice that can't sing as i choke with emotions.

Friday, March 02, 2007

for you, my love

i carry your heart with me, i carry it in my heart
i am never without it; anywhere i go you go, my dear
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling

i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows:
here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart:

i carry your heart... i carry it in my heart

by e.e. cummings