*frustrated sigh*

i know you mean well, babes. i know.
i understand what you are trying to do, and i see where you're coming from.
i know you're just worried about what's going to happen.
i am too, babe.

sometimes, just let me go, ok? i'm big enough now, i think, to make my own decisions.

*another frustrated sigh*

i love complaining on this blog :D

it gives me the freedom of actually bitching non stop. hehehee. imagine this as being a... personal online diary. so.. its personal. some may ask why i talk so much here, or why i'm egoistic here, or why i'm bitching here, but it's mine mar.... and seriously i got nowhere else to bitch.

haha. so you guys gotta bear with me ok?

*Many more sighs to come*

ps: i just got poached by someone that i was poaching. haha. damn funny.

change

Sometimes in our lives, we make choices and decisions that will affect our future in ways you and i can never imagine. A moment where, if you spent just an extra second pondering about it, you might change the outcome of your entire life.

A simple hello.
A simple hug.
A simple kiss.
A simple pat on the back.
A simple smile.
A simple conversation.
A simple lunch.

Can turn into

Many more hello's. and goodbye's.
Many more hugs.
Many more passionate kisses.
Many more comforting words.
Many more grins that could turn into laughter.
Many more conversations. on the phone. on msn.
Many more dates.

i can not lie and tell you today that i don't feel. about friendship. about family. about love.

about life.

about how you've changed my life.
turned it upside down.
how you've managed to touch this impenetrable hollow in my heart.
and filled it with love.
about the tears that run down my face.
that go dry when you kissed them away.
about how i now strive to humble myself before others.
and how i am learning to control my ego.
how i've never found a better friend in you.
and you strive to prove to me you're worth it. every single day.

about how i am trying to live my life and delight in the fact that i am alive today.
and happy.

i look forward to having many more split-second changes like these in my future. i'm going to enjoy the way you make me feel. i'm going to enjoy the challenges i face everyday. i'm going to enjoy the smile that you put on my face. i'm going to enjoy your company. i'm going to enjoy the freedom that life and love gives me. i'm going to enjoy every moment i spend on the phone with you. i'm going to remember you, and how you made me feel. i'm going to love you more and more with each coming day.

yes, you. you. and you.

you're complaining about pressure?

wait till you see what kind of pressure i'm going through.

i give you 10, it's too little.
two days later i give you 30, and i'm disappointing you n the client.
next day i gave you 60, you say good.
but i can do better.
wow.
today you want 120.

i ask you to go to hell.

...

i am NOT your PA. i am NOT her PA.

this is 7 positions, BOSS. Not 20.

for 7 positions, you're asking me to come up with 200 candidates?

i might as well just hang myself.

maybe i should do that.

^&%#@!

because i want to procrastinate at work :0)

1. What was I doing 10 years back...
i was 15, and just started morning session. It was the year that i found my first love, and probably the year i realized how cool wearing Baju Kurungs without a camisole is (just the bra, preferably lacy). Also the year i realized i loved History, and it continued to be one of my passions until today. it was also the year that i got molested in school by a bunch of kampung boys. IN school, mind you, during Teachers' Day celebration. Yeah. Hhmmm.

2.What was I doing 1 year back...
Dying under Ms Medusa from Deloitte. She was ruining my life, and i tried my best to make hers difficult too. Haha. i remember vaguely about grossly overspending on a myriad of things that i obviously do not need :0)

3. 5 snacks I enjoy...
i don't eat snacks. but i always crave for oily, fried meat. YUUMMMM. and spicy food as well.

4. 5 songs I know all the lyrics off my head right now...
Quite a lot, actually. Lemme seeee.... at the top of my head:-
a. Hurt, Christina Aguilera
b. Say Goodbye, Jordan Knight
c. Disenchanted, My Chemical Romance
d. "Meng Ngang", Justin
e. Kiss Goodbye, Wang Li Hom

Crap! i just realized all the songs are sad. mahai.

5. 5 things I would do if I am a millionaire...
a. Save 40% of it in FD
b. Invest 40% of it
c. Buy two LV bags, one Hermes bag, two pairs of Manolos, and one Gucci wallet
d. Buy better skincare (preferably SKII, Sisley or La Mer)
e. Pay RM50k off my parents' housing loan

6. 5 bad habits...
a. sighing
b. eating fried/oily/fatty food
c. cracking my knuckles and joints and back and chest and the list goes on and on and on
d. procrastinating
e. too friendly

7. 5 things you would never wear, buy or get new again...
a. frilly dresses (URGH! so unsophisticated. blergh)
b. dresses that are plain in colour and looks cheap (double blergh)
c. platform shoes (speaks for itself)
d. black eyeshadow and nail polish (too goth! Eewww!!)
e. anything with squid, octopus, salted fish, dried anchovies & shrimp, sambal, belacan.
f. manicure (completely pointless)
g. everything from Phillips (bloody incompetent, useless service people)
h. anything from MNG (so damn common. every girl has a piece)
i. calculator (no point. it's not like i will use it ever again. haha)

ok, i just had to put more than five. wahaha.

8. 5 favourite "toys"...
a. fingers
b. dildo
c. anything round at the end or resembles a mushroom head
d. whip
e. handcuffs

KIDDINNNNNGGGG!!!! :0)

Sorry lah, i don't play with any toys. But my fav stuff are:
a. Mobile (my trusted w810i)
b. Books (everything and anything)
c. Coffee (i'm sorry! it IS a thing, dammit!!)
d. Car (i sit in my baby 3 hours a day. i have to love it, you know?)
e. My baby pillow, so stinky, so shrunken, so... yummm..... :0) Can't sleep without it.

i refuse to tag anyone, so.. yeah! :D

Seven seven Seven

positions.

Seven positions.

S-E-V-E-N!!

By 31st January!

i have to propose approximately 15 potential candidates (which could only possibly mean interviewing about 20 odd people, which could only mean spending 45 hours just on writing the damn profiles, which could only result in me hyperventilating for, ummm, say, the next two weeks?!!?!).

my boss happily sashayed over to me today and gladly informed that i have to fill in seven more positions.

sigh.

i don't think he realizes i'm new.

What say you?

FINE, i'm glad to be thrown all the work on, because this could only result in me being properly inducted into my work by the end of my second month... But then, isn't that what's work all about? Being overloaded beyond more than you can cope?

funny thing tho.. i'm kinda enjoying my job right now. a lot. the whole calling people, coaxing people to considering the position, even interviewing candidates, down through to writing the damned profiles (okay, this, i don't enjoy).

i'm such a conflicted and confused bitch.
On one hand, i cannot believe he's throwing so much shit (@ work) on me.
On the other hand, i'm actually enjoying my work (and whining about it a little. hehe)

--------------------------------------------------------

i miss leanne khor.
i miss matthew oh.
i miss my parents (seriously).
i miss you.

rendered speechless

omg!

too much work is being thrown at me!

i can't breathe.

omg.

breathe, lucinda, breathe.

*slowly exhales breath*

ffffuuuuuuuuuuuu

okay, better.

i have a bitch of a consultant that's wedged between me and another colleague. praying that she'll leave soon. haha.

well, she did declare out loud she'd be resigning pretty soon.

*fingers crossed*

i turned around

and saw You there. Out of the blue. in my dreams.

You came to me, offered me Your hand.

leading me, taking me onwards.

i see something familiar. i know this place.

but i can't quite put my finger on it.

i looked up at You. gazed at Your face. found Your eyes.

You were looking back at me.

"Do you want to follow me? I may not come back."

where are You taking me?

"Somewhere you have been dreaming of. I want you there."

but.. why? why me?

"I've always wanted you there with me. Since the beginning."

...

i hesitated. pulled back. felt unworthy of His love.

No, this is not real. No. Let me go back. Please. i wanna go.

"I'll be waiting for you."

and i will be waiting for the time for me to meet You. i cannot promise You it will be soon. i cannot promise You it will be next year, or the next.

but i do promise, that i do want to be with You. Eventually. With time, i will be there.

i promise.

with tears in my eyes, i walked away.

and never looked back.

Yeah I've been so lost lately
I don't really understand baby
Where did I go wrong
I wanna talk to you
Please call

Where do I begin with you
after all that we've been through
I don't think that it would be right
if we got together so suddenly

I wish that I could take back all of the things that I said
and replace them with simply I love you instead

You didn't wanna say goodbye
But you never really seem like you wanna try
But I only wanted you to stay
and then I let you just slip away
If you didn't listen to your heart inside
then it really doesn't matter what was on your mind
and if you need me then tell me why
Girl, I never meant to say goodbye

I think about the past baby
Why we couldn't make it last, lady
I know you still have doubts
But I'm gonna prove that we can work things out
I wanna be sure that you know what you put me through
and reveal that you intend to never let me down again
It's clear to me and I can't ignore
that I have to give you something I couldn't before

I didn't think that we would come to this
Your eyes, your face, your smile is what I miss
Why did you wait so long to take me back
It's all a simple misunderstanding

You didn't wanna say goodbye
But you never really seem like you wanna try
But I only wanted you to stay
and then I let you just slip away
If you didn't listen to your heart inside
then it really doesn't matter what was on your mind
and if you need me then tell me why
Girl, I never meant to say goodbye

Say Goodbye - Jordan Knight and Deborah Gibson










I feel like THIS right now. sigh.

exhaustion is the key to success.

...

or so i thought.

yawn.

dammit, never been so damn mentally exhausted in the past 7 months.

My beloved new boss now throws ALL his cases on my now-painful head. He constantly neglects to pass any cases to the other researcher, who is, incidentally 1 month more senior than me.

hhmm.

i'm not too sure as of now, whether his motives are to make me his PA or he 'tai hei ngor'.

doubt its the latter.

Work exhaustion has been slowly creeping up on me these past weeks since i started, till i don't have time to blog. sniff.

But not to say i'm not happy. i kinda am. kinda cool boss. kinda cool colleagues.

Job... so so lah.... but it's something i gotta learn and rough it through, cause this is where i wanna be, long term. and there is no better place to learn than here (or so i heard).

bah whatever.

------------------------------------------------------------

My bestie, Leanne Khor came back two weeks back, and she's about to leave soon!
BOOHOOO.

i'll miss you sweetie. SMOOOOOCH. *cries*

If you do not get back to Malaysia by June 2008, the 'maid of honour' post will be given to another. Consider this a threat.

>.<

Yes i love you too sweetie.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Tata! gotta rush for dinner at hilton

:D